What I Do 21st February 1995

I wait.
I wait to fall alseep.
I check the letterbox and
I wait to fall asleep.
I drive,
I check the letterbox and
I wait to fall asleep.
I wonder what I'm doing tomorrow,
I drive,
I check the letterbox and
I wait to fall asleep.
I shape twenty young minds,
I wonder what I'm doing tomorrow,
I drive,
I check the letterbox and
I wait to fall asleep.
I drink coffee,
I shape twenty young minds,
I wonder what I'm doing tomorrow,
I drive,
I check the letterbox and
I wait to fall asleep.
I eat alone,
I drink coffee,
I shape twenty young minds,
I wonder what I'm doing tomorrow,
I drive,
I check the letterbox and
I wait to fall asleep.
I think,
I eat alone,
I drink coffee,
I shape twenty young minds,
I wonder what I'm doing tomorrow,
I drive,
I check the letterbox and
I wait to fall asleep.
I feed the cats (to stop them howling),
I think,
I eat alone,
I drink coffee,
I shape twenty young minds,
I wonder what I'm doing tomorrow,
I drive,
I check the letterbox and
I wait to fall asleep.
I drive (without getting anywhere),
I feed the cats (to stop them howling),
I think,
I eat alone,
I drink coffee,
I shape twenty young minds,
I wonder what I'm doing tomorrow,
I drive,
I check the letterbox and
I wait to fall asleep.
I drive
I feed
I think
I eat
I drink
I shape
I wonder
I drive
I check and
I wait ...

Time 28th March 1995

Wait ...
Wait for time.
Words are mime
and soundless.
Wipe, wipe, wipe
Wipe away the rain.
Agonise my pain.
Drawing it out a little longer.
I try to be stronger.
Time.
All mine to pass.
How long will it last?
Practice, practice, practice.
Practice that phrase a million more times. Hey.
I've got plenty of time for that.
I'll have it down pat
In no time.
Because no time
is the time when you're gone
too long
Time.
What's the time, Mr Wolf?
Its 9 o'clock, 16 minutes and 37 seconds.
Just infinity to go.
Wipe, wipe, wipe.
Wipe your face.
Here's a tissue.
Get dressed, sit up straight, listen to me!
Listen to me!!!
Can you hear me a million miles away?
Practice, practice, practice.
Practice what I'll say
On the day you finally get here, In my car as the wipers
Wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe the screen so I'm not as blind.
Just passing the time,
Just passing the time,
Just passing the time.

Water 8th March 1995

Soothe.
Soft and smooth.
Rhythmic rain
send me to sleep.
Penetrate the silence
too loud and deep.
Go.
Fast and slow.
Make the mould grow.
Grace.
Drown in your embrace.
Die.
Tears to cry.
Flood the roads,
Close the school.
Take him away,
Make me a fool.

Crab 11th July 1995

Scuttle, Fumble, Fuss.
Collect this thing, set it down.
Turn around
and go back.
Do that again - not quite right.
Clumsy armour slows me down.
Too big claws for me to drag around.
They keep scuttling and getting in the way.
Retreat to the lair
Where there is finally peace and calm,
Residing,
Secretly hiding in
Soothing Silence
(Listen to the waters ebbing the rest of the world away).
Tongue
Tentatively Tasting.
Hesitantly Fearful.
Make this cave a sacred place
Where no one seas my reel face.
Where I rock, to and fro in emotion's watery embrace.
Riding,
Never really deciding
Where to go, what to do,
Which armour to wear today?
Forever fearful of ridicule,
Fantasised or otherwise,
In a world that is cruel
And in avoiding to look a fool
I become one.
Never content with who I am.
Who am I?
A lonely crustacean in the deepest ocean.
Fussily Scuttling.
Sillily Fussitating.
So bloody irritating.
Every minor decision
Is a major derision.
But under the deepest rock,
In the deepest sea,
Where my safe home is,
I stash away, in my private place,
A small treasure.
A tiny pearl,
A shiny shell.
The pearl, with dull lustre,
The shell, empty , but with intricate patterns.
My possesions in my sacred place.
Predictable and secure.
No surprises.
Will I grow with such a heavy and impregnable shell
for armour to protect me?
To grow I must leave the old shell behind,
Expose my vulnerable flesh.
But for the experience I will be a bigger soul,
stronger and more able to deal with what the oceans leave to me.
The death of my old shell, and thus old self,
Brings the birth of a new and stronger me.
Perhaps then I can finally be ... free.

The Cat on the Hat

What a strange day I had yesterday. It was completely wierd, I just can't explain it.

I impulsively bought this cat badge from a hand-made market in Darwin in late 1996.

In 1996 when I was insane, I went to a hand-made market fair that in my delusion I thought was the "real" psychic expo, not the other one that was on in town on the same day. I impulsively bought this badge that I saw. My memory of the day was so strange, it was as if people recognised me, like I was like famous or something! Bwhuahuaahua, so hilarious.

"True Love is not self-destructive"

Anyway, at one point I wrote a fevered message on the back of it. But this message was very clear. It simply says "True Love is not self- destructive". I've kept it handy, this badge, I don't know why. I put it on my hat today. Lol what a Crazy Girl in a Crazy World, am I.